The Boss reckons I keep making excuses for The Donald because of his smokin' hot wife - but that's not true. Although I do think a feller with a breeder like her around the kennel must have something going for him.
The Boss tells me it's mainly about the money but hey, I'm getting off the track. I don't need to make excuses for The Donald because he has his eyes on....the ball!
And you know how I love balls. If it's a choice between food and a ball, I will always take the ball. If it's a choice between a pat and a ball, I will absolutely take the ball. If it's a choice between playing with another dog and a ball, I will most certainly take the ball.
This is all you need to know to understand The Donald. He is totally about the ball - and when Mr Putin gave him a look at it, I could sense him shivering with excitement. It bought him undone and I understand that.
So he forgot all the briefings, you say? The intel, the warnings, the pleadings from his advisers and secretaries not to mess it up - if you have a true passion for balls like The Donald and I do, it is all very simple. The ball is the thing, and nothing else matters.
Not the FBI, the NSA, the ATO or the AFL. Or the CBA. Nor a passing hint of treason either. If you live in the moment just like The Donald and I do, you're not going to worry about what happens to your country tomorrow - or whether you might have to clean things up in a day or two. It's all about the here and now and feeling good about the ball and the fact that you have it.
Possession is nine-tenths of the law, The Boss once told me - and The Donald instinctively understands that. He possesses the ball - and the presidency, for that matter - and no-one is game to take either of them away. Like me, he can bite and snap and growl and scratch up a mess in the garden or toss stuff around the rumpus room and people are just going to clean up after you, because it's easier.
And if you keep moving fast enough they don't know what you're going to do next so they kind of lumber along after you with their fingers crossed, hoping you might slow down a bit.
But we don't slow down, The Donald and me. We keep people on their toes. Keep them guessing. Keep surprising them. Life is a lot of fun this way. We've got our eyes on the ball. Woof.