Time for straight talking

When he came back from his tour of Iraq it was like he had been deployed into a new theatre of war — a battle with post-traumatic stress disorder.

“It was killing me inside, the pain and the guilt that I had. The decisions that I made in Iraq, which almost led to the deaths of my driver and my gunner,” James said.

“The shame and the guilt that I felt just pressed down so heavily on me.”

But his training as a major in the Army had taught him to internalise the trauma he had experienced, with the stoic silence of a soldier.

“I was taught stoicism in the old way, I thought I had to just take it all on my shoulders. I was a front-line officer, I had to be unbreakable,” James said.

And that’s what he did, until he reached his breaking point.

James said everyone had their own individual journey towards suicide, but they were driven by the same pain of shame and guilt.

“When I was just about to take my own life ... I was in so much pain, and I felt I was bringing pain to everyone else around me,” he said.

“My daughters were right in front of me, there's my wife, I had an amazing family, my life was amazing — and yet my perception was everything I did brought pain to those I loved, and I couldn't step a foot right.

“I had to go. It's the only thing I could do.”

Then he remembered something his father, who was a veteran of the Vietnam War, had told him when he was growing up on a farm near Seymour.

“One day, feeding a bunch of Angus on the back of a ute, and Dad’s looking off into the bush he said, ‘there’s my god’,” James said.

“As an eight-year-old I didn’t know what he was saying, but he looked down at me and he said ‘you gotta go and find your own god’.

“Now the day I nearly took my own life, I remembered that story and I realised my journey isn’t done yet.”

After reaching the lowest point a man can experience, the veteran now trains men to be warriors — not the old-school stoicism, but to understand real masculinity and build personal and family resilience.

“Everyone's got a breaking point,” James said.

“And I just didn't want to show people my breaking point because I thought that was weakness.

“And in the end, what I actually found when I couldn't carry the burden any more, I had to fall apart.

“That's actually what has drawn more and more people to me is because I don't mind being open anymore.”

James teaches men of all ages how to understand who they really are, aiding others develop true emotionally balanced resilience and direction in their life.

“Helping people simply understand themselves and then have the courage to actually live it,” he said.

“Because there’s a difference between knowing and living. That's called knowledge and wisdom.”

Dale Wright and Kev ‘Sidie’ Sidebottom have been running their own warrior training in Shepparton, Talking Straight, for 24 years — helping more than 200 men overcome their mental ill-health through a 13-week program.

When the men come to Dale and Sidie, they are at the lowest points of their lives.

Trauma, divorce and separations, depression and anxiety, grief and loss — different journeys culminating in the same pain leading to the same inevitable destination. The same journey James faced.

Six years ago, through pure chance, Dale and Sidie came across James’s work, and after reaching out have become fast-friends in their shared purpose to save men from suicide.

And for the past six years, James has spoken to the groups of warrior men at the end of their 13 weeks with Talking Straight.

Many of the participants in Talking Straight confess they probably would have taken their own lives without the support of their fellow warriors.

If you’re interested in participating in Talking Straight, phone Dale or Sidie on 5821 1864 for a chat, bearing in mind numbers are limited.

If you need support, contact Lifeline Australia on 131 114 and BeyondBlue on 1300 224 636.

This story originally appeared in Don Magazine. You can find the full publication at https://www.sheppnews.com.au/features-and-magazines/don-magazine/