Farmer wants a wife

By Geoff Adams

If you’re gonna run a decent farm, you need a good fertility rate, so on that basis Farmer Wants a Wife has the goods.

The ‘unreality’ show boasts nine marriages and 19 babies from the previous nine Australian series — so by my calculations, that’s a reproduction rate of about 2.1 — not bad in human terms, but pretty ordinary for Murray Greys or Merinos.

That’s gotta be a better rate than Batchelor on Love Island, or whatever it’s called, and at least we don’t have the leading man running off in an emotional melt-down or the girls breaking down for loving the wrong bloke.

No muckin’ around with these farm boys; they front up and wear the consequences.

Now, we’ve got five more farmers in the next muster and I’ve gotta say they look in pretty good trim.

In my younger days, the blokes who couldn’t get a date were more likely to wear beanies than Akubras, a flanalette shirt with a bit of 20W-40 on the cuffs and the odd bit of pie crust that had fallen into the (torn) top pocket.

So, I hope the girls appreciate the fact that the lads have had a shave in the past week, and taken a bath some time this season.

Speaking of Akubras (well, I hope they’re real Akubras and not a cheap knock-off), why are they all wearing those hats? A series uniform? Maybe.

One farmer who won't be wearing the Akubra in the show is 27-year-old Jack Beaton, who was advertised last year as being from Harrow in the Western District.

He was in the early promotions for the show but disappeared some time this year, without explanation, leaving just five starters in the bull paddock.

Perhaps the bosses didn’t like the idea that Jack was an electrician working in Melbourne.

Must have lost the Akubra somewhere along the way.

Farmer Wants a Wife returns to Channel 7 on Sunday night.

— Jacko, son of Col Curmudgeon