It was a big win for Queensland on Monday night, as the girls-in-maroon scooped up all three farmers on offer.
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Yes, I hear your confusion. Didn’t we start with five farmers?
We did, but we lost two along the way — no-one said Farmer Wants A Wife was easy.
We’ll let Kyabram’s Harry sum it up.
“This whole experience has definitely been a roller-coaster,” Harry said during the reunion episode.
“I don’t think I’ll be planning on dating multiple women anytime soon … I’ve never been so tired in my whole life. Holy hat.”
In the end, Harry chose Tess from the Gold Coast.
Tess is currently in the final 18 months of her psychology master’s degree and her mother and friends made it very clear she was going to get that degree.
They pulled Harry aside in their Gold Coast pool area and told him education comes before boys — possibly threatening him with some light water-boarding, we can only assume.
Our other two farmers had to sweat through similar conversations with the families.
Will went to visit Jess in Esk.
“Jess is a really proud Queenslander and she’s really close to her family,” Will noted as a possible problem.
The 26-year-old dental nurse told her family a relocation to the dusty Mallee was on the cards — to their horror.
The group quickly started wondering how Christmas would work, since both have big family gatherings on their own farms and no-one was willing to give up people to the other party.
Farmer Ben was also in the sunshine state to meet with his girl Leish.
For Ben, the editors had to work overtime to make audiences believe there was any chance of it being a close contest between the final two.
It will shock no-one that he chose Leish in the end, despite the looming problem of her not wanting to leave Brisbane where she’s spent 11 years in her job, has an apartment and a very tight-knit friend group.
Moving across to Kyabram’s Harry, who’s been sat on a romantic half-rotten wooden bench by the producers as he waits to reject one girl and tell another girl he wants to continue things away from the cameras.
The producers must’ve whispered instructions like ‘just act natural’ and ‘speak from the heart’ — but none of that helps when you have a 10/10 bombshell like Tess walking towards you.
“There have been some times where I thought I liked you more than you liked me,” Harry pointed out, making Tess look a little doubtful on the wooden bench before Harry concluded with a simple: “I love ya, and I want to be with ya.”
“Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh.” Tess took a moment to collect herself. “You are so beautiful and I can honestly say I am falling in love with you as well.”
Next was Will with Jess from Esk.
“I really am falling in love with you,” Will said, which launched Jess into laughter. “And I want to give us a go and I really hope you do as well.”
“I do,” Jess assured him. “Of course I do. Yay!”
The final episode immediately cuts to black — but it’s not over yet.
On Tuesday night a reunion episode was aired, scooping everyone up one month later to see how they’re tracking — much like scientists returning to check the threatened spotted quolls they tagged and radio-collared.
All three Queensland girls returned with their farmers to share the good news that love was in the air (per their contractual agreement with Channel Seven).
Farmer Paige was also back on the scene to catch up with her brothers-in-arms and to see how things panned out.
“What are we talking about?” she asked the blokes, strolling onto the verandah with a beer in a fancy drinking glass.
“Rain,” Will said.
“Rain,” Harry agreed.
“What about yourself, how are you travelling Ben?” Will asked of the Wingham dairy farmer.
“Yeah, it’s been nice not having to wake up and make six coffees.”
Will gave a very informative life update himself.
“Yeah, struggling at footy training,” he admitted to the boys (plus Paige) and revealed his nickname is now Hollywood around the clubrooms.
I’ll cut straight to the Harry and Tess situation.
“Tess and I have been doing long-distance. Right now I’m doing all the compromising and I hope in the future she’ll compromise for me,” Harry said under the bright studio lights.
Harry then told the host he owed her a slab for setting him and Tess up — true country hospitality.
Tess was then brought under the lights and we learnt the Queensland vixen has stolen our dear Harry from Kyabram city.
“It’s looking like I’ll do a cheeky gap year to the Gold Coast,” Harry told us.
While on his Gold Coast gap year, Harry will work on farms in the area, put his ag degree to good use, and get a feel for how Queenslanders do things.
Next was Farmer Ben who came up to the hot seat like a skittish horse, wanting to avoid everything about the situation.
“We are very much together and we very much are in love,” Ben assured the host.
Leish joined her farmer on the couch and made noises about falling in love and totally thinking about moving any day now.
“I’ve got to go back to Brisbane, wrap up my life there and move to the farm,” she said.
“I have been looking at jobs around the place, just to put my feelers out there.”
I’m sure Wingham Community Hospital will be happy to have the obviously career-driven woman on board, waiting with open arms to offer her absolutely no career progression, a massive salary cut and a constantly understaffed team.
Next was our boy Will from Berriwillock.
Will hit us with a bit of a bombshell, telling everyone once he chose Jess from Esk they haven’t spent a single day apart.
Cue the footage of Jess sorting sheep, rocking a Wrangler singlet and sitting at the outdoor table pounding away on the ol’ laptop trying to find a dental nurse job in Bendigo (Swan Hill can dream).
Jess was brought out and asked if she was sick of him yet.
“Not sick of him yet,” she assured everyone.
“We’re figuring out each other’s boundaries. There is no hiding (cue glare at Will) just like there is no hiding your clothes on the shower room floor.”
It must be love.
Journalist