We become obsessed thinking about this baby every second of every day for the duration of the pregnancy.
It’s all we want to speak about with anyone.
Everything we see, do, hear, smell, taste and touch we relate back to the baby.
Our baby is the most important thing that is happening in this world right now and what we are going through is huge. We live the ups and downs and the highs and lows of the pregnancy.
When the baby is finally born, we are just so relieved they have arrived: we are so proud, and our love is so strong.
We look at them and only see the most perfect features and really pure perfection in every way.
We take endless photos and share just how much we love them and how perfect our baby is with everyone around us and want everyone to love our baby and think they are perfection too.
This is pretty much change too.
The ups and downs of change
When we are leading any form of change, the lead-up is huge, and we also ride an emotional rollercoaster.
The scope, ideas and expectations start in a very different place from where they land.
The change consumes our thoughts and conversations, and we believe it is the most important thing and everyone should be thinking about and prioritising it right now.
We live the ups and downs, the highs and lows and then finally it launches.
The relief and pride are so strong.
We know the battles and near misses we went through, and we know the outcome might not be perfect but it’s so much better than the catastrophe it could have been at many stages.
We send endless emails, put up posters and pretty much share how amazing our change is and that everyone should love it.
Alternative perceptions
Meanwhile, other people see in our baby the things that we only see when they are grown up and we look back on baby pictures — when we truly see how big their head was, how their nose looked too big for their face, or that they were a little yellow and alien looking or that cute face they pulled wasn’t that cute after all.
They compare our baby to their baby, to other people’s babies.
Our baby isn’t their number one love nor their number one obsession and priority.
Their lives are continuing to happen, and the birth of our baby is simply something happening in the background.
In fact, the change which has just been implemented was not what they were sold in the beginning.
Not what they expected.
They haven’t experienced the ups and downs and almost catastrophes along the way.
They are just seeing the outcome and comparing it to their expectations of what it should look like.
It’s really not that much of an improvement on the current way they do things (their baby).
Sure, there are some benefits, but there are also some disadvantages and annoyances.
They don’t love our baby. They still love their (old) baby.
We push harder to try to get them to love our baby.
We rattle off the advantages – how beautiful our baby is – and we even go as far as to tell them how ugly their baby (old way) is.
This triggers emotional hijacks in both of us and we both dig our heals in and go into defence mode fighting for our babies, which we have put so much time, emotion and love into.
We are pushing the new change as the best thing ever and they are attached to the way it was before the new change.
Avoid forcing change
Don’t try to force someone to love your baby.
Don’t tell them that their baby is ugly.
Don’t tell them how bad the old way was and that they just should love everything about the new way.
Introduce your baby to them, let them get to know your baby and be involved with your baby, and talk about how your baby will help their baby and they can be friends.
Transition and merge the change; it doesn’t have to be a hard line between the two worlds.
Amy Jacobson runs a business making emotional intelligence “simple and actionable, with a bit of tough love”, working across the public and private sectors. She says no matter what industry you are part of, the biggest challenges are always the same – when it comes to people, it’s all about our level of emotional intelligence.
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