Why perfectionism is the enemy of authentic leadership

As a journalist, I was always accustomed to having every piece of writing edited, checked and approved before it was published.

So, when I asked my new boss yet another question about a piece of content on which I was working, his response shocked me.

He turned around and said: “I trust you.”

I was blown away because it was a huge shift.

For the first time, I was encouraged to trust my own judgement instead of seeking approval.

It was the complete opposite of everything perfectionism had reinforced in me.

It was a breakthrough because for all the years before that one moment perfectionism had shaped me.

Thriving from failure

Back in 2011, I was living my dream.

I was on stage at the New York Comedy Club, about to deliver my first five-minute stand up set in the States.

I had every word memorised and every beat rehearsed.

After I delivered my first joke, my mind went completely blank.

Nothing.

For 30 excruciating seconds, I stood frozen like a deer in headlights.

When I looked down at my palm for my SOS backup notes, all I saw was a giant smudge mark. My nervous, sweaty hands totally smeared the ink.

I looked around the room, locked eyes with a friend, took a desperate breath, and eventually my jokes came flooding back.

But I replayed that freeze for years on loop in my mind.

That experience taught me perfectionism isn't protection at all; far from it.

It's a trap.

We think we're safe when everything is mapped out, but it’s the opposite.

If we forget one tiny point, everything unravels quickly.

Research distinguishes between excellence-seeking perfectionism (driven by high standards) and failure-avoiding perfectionism (driven by fear and concerns).

So many of us are trapped in the latter, with this fear disconnecting us from our authentic voice.

This kind of perfectionism is sneaky because it disguises itself as high standards, and it’s very, very convincing.

I see this pattern constantly.

One leader at a recent presentation skills workshop was convinced she needed to get everything right.

But when I asked “according to who?” she couldn’t answer.

We laughed, her shoulders dropped, and she smiled.

Her entire presence shifted.

Authentic leadership requires presence, vulnerability, honesty, and trust.

But fear-driven perfectionism is guided by rigidity.

When you’re trapped in perfectionism, you’re chasing an impossible standard, instead of leading from a true place.

And teams can feel that disconnect.

After I froze on stage in New York, I made a decision: I would never memorise another performance.

Instead, I learnt to be present, to trust myself and to adapt.

And the result was always better performances and much deeper connections because I was finally in the room with my audience instead of being trapped in my head.

The antidote to perfectionism isn't lowering our standards. It's raising authenticity.

My boss gave me something powerful with those three words: permission to trust myself.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Perfectionism might make you look good, but authentic leadership is what actually transforms people.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Jordana Borensztajn, author of The Little Book of Influence: 8 Keys to Transformative Communication, is a keynote speaker, TEDx presenter, and communications expert who empowers leaders and teams to amplify their influence, presence, and impact. A former journalist turned stand-up comedian, she is also an event MC, corporate humourist, and public speaking trainer. Discover more at www.jordanab.com.au