This moment will appear in my nightmares. I will be speaking to a therapist about it. “And how does that make you feel?” Physically ill.
What happened after Farmer Thomas drove away in a shock exit from his own house?
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Not much, let’s be honest.
That’s right, it’s Farmer Wants A Wife time.
To distract from the rising tension in all three farms, they held a Country Ball.
Sorry, let me rephrase that.
To make sure everyone with any sort of tension was forced to be next to each other and told to discuss their feelings and frustrations, they held a Country Ball.
Of course, one of the main topics was Thomas’s disappearance.
Where did he go? Will he come to the ball? Why did he drive away from his own (alleged) home?
I can only answer one of these questions. Of course, he’s going to the ball.
He apologised to his ladies and pinky promised he deleted ex-contestant Claire’s contact info.
In a brilliant display of emotional intelligence, he said that he shouldn’t have stormed out.
He then pulled in his obvious favourite girl, Clarette, for a pash. Am I the only one feeling really bad for the other three girls?
It’s like he’s keeping them there to avoid any minor awkwardness.
Well, I wasn’t the only one, when one of the girls getting strung along upped and left. Good on you Jess.
Actual footage of Corey trying to conjure up a thought. He fails.
Speaking of kisses, Corey and Chloe has a cheeky kiss, blah blah blah, I’m so sick of Corey.
Speaking of blah blah blah, Jack was also there.
Also in a jump scare appearance and definitely not to promote his music career, Jarrad returned to yet again to awkwardly sing at his partner, Chloe.
Hey, what are you doing here? And why are you holding that guitar? Oh God. Please don’t tell me we have to sit through another song (we do).
To set up the next episode, it was announced the farmers must pick a lady to solo date.
Thomas chose Clarette, Jack invited Hayley and Corey chose the latest girl he’s tongued, Chloe.
Do the producers get paid per awkward moment, because I am struggling already, and we’re only halfway through the week.
So, to save my mental health and keep under the word count, let’s speed run the awkwardness.
Thomas’s uncle accidentally called Clarette, Claire. Yikes, I’m sure she was super calm about it internally.
They don't know it yet, but Clarette is about to get called the name of the girl her man (kinda) cheated on her with.
When meeting Corey’s family, Chloe was unkind to Keeley, saying she is jealous, and it’s difficult to be in the house with her vibes.
During Jack’s date with Hayley, she went in for a kiss, and he went in for a sip of beer, so she ended up kissing his cheek.
If you replaced his beer with an apple juice, it would be indistinguishable from a Year 3 couple.
God, I miss Tom. I almost miss Jarrad.
Next time on Farmer Wants A Wife.
The final 24-hour dates take place, with Jack and Olivia heading to a secluded cabin in the woods, but in a super sexy, not murderous way.
Also, Corey and Keeley go to the seaside, while Thomas makes his final decision on which woman will be his wife.
It’s probably Clarette, let’s be for real.
Corey and Jack have to say goodbye to one of their ladies, and Corey tries really hard to act sad.
I actually don’t think I can give a ranking this week. I honestly think they all deserve for their beer to be a bit warm and their jumpers to shrink a little in the washing machine.
Everyone’s in the doghouse, let’s hope next week doesn’t hurt my forehead wrinkles from cringing so much.
Country News reporter Djembe Archibald will be keeping a close eye on Farmer Wants A Wife as the romance and drama unfold each week.
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