Country News

Dog’s rules for a no-stress weekend

By The General

I have long had the view that the world would work better if dogs ran it.

At the very least, it would work much better if humans took a leaf out of the dogs’ rule-book.

The rules are simple: first thing in the morning, get up and stretch – both ways. The Boss says the Yoga people call it Downward Facing Dog when you stretch out with your haunches up - and when I stretch up the other way they call it Upward Facing Dog. And fair enough, since we invented it.

A dog does this every day, without fail. It’s not negotiable – but humans aren’t smart enough to realise how important it is, so they only do it now and then.

Since humans are generally undisciplined and confused, it doesn’t surprise me.

I mean, take the weekend. It was a good weekend to be in front of the fire and watching footy – and of course sleeping and eating. This is what Queenie and I did and it was a beautiful thing.

But pity The Boss. Between the good news from Old Trafford with the Steve Smith redemption saving our national honour – and the Tiges giving the Lions a licking at the Gabba – The Boss was still grumbling about the world going to hell in a handbasket.

He was fretting about The Donald spending four days on Twitter defending his assertion that Alabama was going to die in the path of Hurricane Dorian when at least 50 people did actually die in the Bahamas; with the devastation still unfolding, Whitehouse staff were busy ordering the national weather people not to contradict the President - even if he was wrong.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, The Boris - hemmed in by Parliament on the one hand and Europe on the other - had backed himself into a corner with nowhere to go with his do-or-die Brexit objective. Even his little brother abandoned him.

The Boss is often heard to say that, when you find yourself in a hole, you stop digging. 

Now, dogs know this stuff, instinctively. We all dig a few holes in our youthful enthusiasm – but we know when the game is up and stop doing it. Neither The Donald nor The Boris have learned this - which is unfortunate, because several hundred million people depend on their wisdom and judgement.

Look, I understand the Top Dog thing – all dogs do. But dogs sort that out very quickly and get on with it – you don’t waste time just niggling and chipping away because your energy gets diminished. You might end up Top Dog after a lot of effort when you don’t deserve it - but it’s cost so much to get there that you don’t have the stamina to do much with it.

Which brings me back to the rules. After the stretching, you take a leak and you take a look around (what The Boss calls “a Swaggies’ breakfast”) and then you start hunting up a feed.

Thats it. There is nothing more important than those basics.

So, while The Donald is worried about how his hair looks and never appearing weak – and The Boris is worried about how his hair looks and never looking like an appeaser – we dogs exist in the moment…which is all you have to work with, after all.

The past is gone, only worth learning from; and the future is the moment after this one. Humans seem to think that there is a place called the future, which they worry a lot about, whereas dogs understand that the only thing that ever arrives is the next moment. That’s why we sleep so well.

And chances are, whatever The Donald and The Boris get up to, this time next year we’ll still be having our morning stretch, a leak and a look around – then a feed and a sleep. Without a worry in the meantime. Woof!