Did you see how Taylor Swift and her entourage were being accommodated in the enormous penthouse suites atop Crown Casino? Taylor’s luxurious floor had its own lifts, expansive views of Melbourne, and its own butlers, security, florists and de-buggers.
As well as her own infinity pool and gym, she could have had a dog brought in for company, if she knew one as beguiling as me.
The Boss points out that Tay Tay has put 14 albums together in 20 years, with songs that speak to young women, in particular — but this is mere minutes in dog time. She is a baby at 35, whereas my 10 weary years putting up with The Boss equal 70 hard years of dog life — and I’ve spent 50 of those dog years dispensing wisdom.
Where’s my penthouse suite?
While I was moping over the travesty of it, the young missus lifted my spirits by sending me pictures of the Barney Bed, the kind of sleeping furniture suitable for a hound of my proportions and condition.
The Boss must have been hiding them from me: these Barney Beds were designed by a Sydney lady for her old golden retriever named Barney — how could you guess? — and have taken off around the world.
That’s because the lady had a heart for her dog. She set about developing a suitable bed for her beloved hound — “one that was supportive to his joints and muscles. One that made him sigh in contentment at the end of the day.”
Doubtless inspired by Tay Tay lyrics, such as “You are the best thing that’s ever been mine.”
Not having heard that from The Boss lately, I pressed on looking for the Barney Bed that sounded like mine. The nice lady said: “This one is for the Bernese mountain dogs, greyhounds, Rottweilers and coonhounds. A size made for the big boys and girls who are comfortable not taking the biggest title in the room.”
I’ve never met a coonhound myself, but The Boss tells me they suit the American market, where dogs of a certain class are bred to hunt racoons. Apparently, Barney Beds have taken off over there as well.
It’s not surprising — look at these features:
“Layers of orthopedic support”: All-around memory foam supports your dog’s bones and joints.
“The ultimate chin rest”: Your dog is surrounded by the comfiest pillows at every angle.
“Scratch friendly”: Strong and soft microfibre for the enthusiastic kneaders.
“Love at first sleep”: Dogs feel protected and safe in a bed designed just for them.
As the lady on the RSL ad says, “What’s not to like?”
My XL Barney Bed is a steal at $579 plus shipping — and all he offers me is a hessian job from Hunters. Woof!
