The Boss's Dog
The snip solution: handy for people as well as dogs
Here’s an idea, a leveller for man and dog.
An Oklahoma MP announced this week that he plans to introduce a bill forcing all young men to have a vasectomy whether they like it or not. Just like what happened to me.
State representative Mickey Dollens announced he was looking for another politician to “co-author a bill … mandating that each male, when he reaches puberty, gets a mandatory vasectomy that’s only reversible when he reaches the point of financial and emotional stability.”
The Boss thinks those requirements would take me out permanently, which is predictably unkind.
And he reckons Mr Dollens was being tongue-in-cheek after the Supreme Court of the United States decided — 50 years on — to overturn Roe v Wade, which gave women a constitutional right to seek an abortion.
But I happen to think it’s a good idea anyway, and only fair. It seems to me (and most dogs) that there are plenty of men who never reach financial and emotional stability — although I dare not venture an opinion on The Boss on this score, in case he gives my toast crusts to the Golden Leave-it-There.
(Sometimes the breakfast crusts will carry a smidgin of Nancy’s excellent fig jam, which helps a dog like me address the day with explosive vigour.)
But back to the vasectomy. I’ve been telling The Boss for years that instead of a baby bonus for young women, the government should offer young blokes a snip bonus, so they pick up a handy five grand after they get the snip.
This would take them out of the procreation market until they know what they are doing, which could be never.
But it would save a whole lot of kids growing up wondering who or where the old man is, while the young mums struggle to make ends meet. The Boss says it so often ends up being a mess — at home, at school, around the streets and it flows on to the next generation. And single-parent households find it harder to look after a dog properly, as well.
We dogs talk about it all the time. After Queenie had me and my eight brothers and sisters, The Boss used to remark that she looked after us better than a lot of human parents looked after their kids, keeping us warm and well fed. Hers was tough love, mind you, and she didn’t take any nonsense.
The Boss is not keen on government intervention, however. A light touch in people’s lives is his preference. But he tells me the government is not a good parent either — so what do you do when some people just aren’t fit to be parents, covering just the basics like Queenie did? The Boss prevaricates, of course.
“And so, General,” he says, “What are you going to do with the young man who sorts himself out and wants to have and help raise a family?”
That’s easy, I say. He gets to reverse the vasectomy when he pays the five grand back!
He nods slowly, then shakes his head. “Like unfit parents, this is in the realm of the undiscussable, General. Possibly, the world might be better if you ran it, but you’d best keep these sorts of ideas to yourself.”
Well, a dog can only try. I tell The Boss that humans need to discuss the undiscussable if they want to give dogs (and kids) a better life and a better future. We dogs take the day head on: humans sweep the hard stuff under the carpet. Woof!
• The General is The Boss’s dog. For more yarns, visit sheppnews.com.au/thegeneral